Men--Am I Alone in Not Understanding Them?

Well, it is indeed time for another personal post.  I just knew I had to write this tonight.  As you know (if you follow my blog regularly), my best friend is Martin from England.  We have known each other for nearly ten years now, and we have been with each other through thick and thin.  I am not nearly as upset as I was earlier, but I wanted to get some feedback from the ladies that follow this blog.  (Okay, if there are any men, you can jump in, too!)

The past couple days, Martin has acted like a typical guy.  So, I realize that is not surprising, but I sometimes struggle.  And I happen to be struggling a little bit now.

Last night, things got a little bit physical between us, and although nothing much happened, I always find it amazing how quickly men can move from being physical to being "normal."  Things were unfinished between us, and of course, all I could think about today was him.  Yep, it's true.  And then I look at him.  He's just business as usual, and there is nothing new in the world.  No talk of finishing what we started or even discussing anything between us.  I suppose that some of it comes from the fact that we are not really dating or anything.  In fact, he doesn't even want to face the fact that there is anything between us that is more than friendship.  It is tough to be in this position. But I know from what I have studied about men that they tend to be like this when it comes to the physical realm.  They can turn it on and turn it off with no problem.  I guess I really am a woman, aren't I?

And one more rant, and this is probably what upset me tonight.  I am one who likes to have things somewhat planned out.  I have gotten better at becoming spontaneous, but I do like to know things in advance.  Martin, on the other hand, only tells me what he thinks I need to know when he thinks I need to know it.  He feels he has the right to change things whenever he wants.  Let me qualify this.  It is Christmas break, and my daughter's friend is coming over tomorrow.  My daughter has swimming tomorrow night as well.  Martin asked me last night if I had any real plans for Tuesday.  I told him I didn't.  I guess that was a mistake.  He planned a whole lot of stuff.  He got it all set up to go bowling with two of Martha's friends tomorrow at a certain time.  I have things to do to get ready for Christmas (Martin doesn't like Christmas.).  And then he asked me if I had any problem with taking the girls to bowling tomorrow.  I told him I didn't know if we would have time.  And now I find the real story.

Why do men have to do this??  I would have liked to have been asked about this.  All I can think about is the time and money I will be spending on this.  All he can think about is getting away from my dad and giving the kids a nice time.  He loves to keep me "in the dark" about his plans.  Is this a normal guy thing, or is it just Martin?  He loves to "surprise" me, but I don't always like the surprises.

I am trying to see this as a good thing, and I will in time.  I have to remember that the motive is right.  I would love to "teach" him how to do this better, but I know that doing that will only make things worse.  And if I complain or show that I am upset, he will withdraw.  And he will feel that I am not showing him the love he wants but doesn't want to ask for.

So, how do you deal with situations like this?  I would love any advice.  At least I am not as upset as I was.  I am going to pretend I don't know as much about the day tomorrow since he has not shared it with me.  My mom did.  I'm going to play"dumb" because that usually works.  Anyway, that is my little rant for the evening!

Just a Random Post About Life, Relationships, and Men

I have been meaning to write a post like this for a while, and I won't keep you long.  Martin did come in last night.  And it is clear that the tension is still there.  I have to admit I nearly lost it at the airport because I went to hug him (oh, it felt so good to be near him), and he held onto me while he shook my brother's hand.  I wanted to burst into tears.  I knew right then that without the Lord, I would have gone back to all the old ways.

Last night, he barricaded himself in the garage.  He is mad at Mom, and he is mad at me.  Well, maybe that's not the right word.  He is so disgusted by life that he can't enjoy anything or say anything positive.  I really had to work through my anger and frustration last night.

This morning I was better until he saw me.  Since I know he doesn't follow my blog (thankfully), I'll say that when he saw me this morning, he "sized" me up with his eyes.  I was really mad!  How dare he look at what does not belong to him!  There is only one thing he wants from me, and this time, he is not getting it.  (Okay, blog readers, for those of you who don't know the story, we have never gone all the way.  We have been physical, but there has been a barrier that I refuse to cross in spite of his pressure.)

Why is it that in the middle of all his anger he can still think about being intimate?  That is the mystery of men, isn't it?  The only men I have ever known have wanted one thing from me--sex!  The worst part is that I have been as generous as I could in every area. There were days that he treated me like the scum of the earth and yet, I was so needy, I took some physical intimacy with him.  I figured that rejecting him would wound his ego.

You know, I was stupid!  In my marriage, I never told my husband no.  Never!  I even let him rape me in exchange for doing something I really wanted to do.  I have always been too accommodating because I am one of those weird women who craves it.  Ever hear of the Love Languages?  Mine is definitely physical!  It is the main one, and always has been.

I am so glad that God woke me up and made me realize that I had been selling myself short for most of my life.  I have always been the one giving, going out of my way to smooth things over, and even being willing to change.  I actually let my ex and Martin control me.  Pretty sad, isn't it?

I so appreciated tonight what my sister-in-law said to me on the phone.  I told her Martin would probably yell at me for not doing something right, and I said it was not big deal.  He could go ahead and yell.  She jumped in and told me not to let him.  She said that she and my brother had the outsider's view.  When Martin comes back, the entire house caters to him.  That is wrong!  Tonight was a big victory for me.  I made a pasta salad, and I knew that he and my daughter wouldn't like it.  So I went ahead and grilled hamburgers too.  My plan is to make the meals I like, but I don't mind fixing something easy on the side if I know that he (and my daughter) would not like the meal.  That is a concession I can make.

Well, enough of my rambling tonight.  Be sure to check out my current giveaways.  One only has 9 entries, and I just added something to it.  I have contacted a lot of companies for possible giveaways, and I have loads of reviews to catch up on this weekend.  So watch out, friends!  Thanks for reading my post tonight.  And thanks for the encouragement I received.  As Boobies says, there is a man out there for me, and I will find him one day.  And he will be the right one!  (If you have never checked out her website, you need to.  It is honestly not offensive, but she does have an adult review here and there.  But she is a great blogger! And a classy lady!)

Twilight Tuesday--I Have Come to the Realization

This is one of the books I am currently reading for review.  I have to admit that I really wasn't too into the reading of this book, and even as I crawled into bed last night, I was only reading it to fall asleep.

I guess God had other ideas.  I plan to fully review the book once I am done reading it, but God really left me speechless last night as I read (pretty hard for me to be rendered speechless).  In order to explain last night,  I have to go back in time a couple years.

When I still lived in Texas, Martin's and my relationship was truly blossoming and growing.  We had become physical.  We had discussed marriage.  I think we had even had our big blow up at this point that almost ended things between us for good.  I am not sure.

I can remember one very specific night when I was really feeling down about things.  In fact, I think I told God it just wasn't worth waiting for Martin to be saved.  He never was going to be saved, and loving Martin was just too hard.  I think I asked God if I could be released from loving Martin.

I did receive a response.  God told me that I was free to let Martin go.  I didn't have to keep loving him.  I could go on with my life.  God also said that if I did that, I would have to accept the consequences of my actions.  The consequences would be a true loss of the friendship, and the loss would be irreversible.  I had a serious decision to make.

I remember being tempted to walk away and leave it all, but after so many years and all that had happened between us, I really struggled to do that.  In the end, I made the right decision.  I can remember God reminding me of my decision and even giving me the same offer at a later time.

Fast forward a couple years.  Currently, things are not quite that great between us.  He is uptight, mad, and frustrated.  I can remember the same thoughts crossing my mind.  Was it worth it to wait?  Should I go on with my life?  Maybe I should stop hoping and praying.

As I read this book last night, I read about relationships suffering difficult times.  We so often think that if our relationships come to rocky times that we chose the wrong person or it was never meant to be.  We weren't really "in love" with that person after all.  God came to me and said that I no longer had a choice.  Okay, I suppose if I wanted to go contrary to God's will, I could walk away, but the choice God gave me two years ago was no longer valid.  And I couldn't be happier.

Yes, I am a single mother.  My daughter has an absent father.  My dad is in poor health and makes my life more difficult than most people could imagine.  I am only a month or two away from not being able to make a   mortgage payment on my home.  I am not married, not dating, and I have no prospects.  I have no full-time job, and  there are no prospects.  No woman in her right mind would continue waiting on a guy like Martin.

Well, here is what I say.  God's plans are always better than my own.  And I will say this.  My relationship with Martin is probably better than most fo the marriages in this world!

Thanks for listening to my ramblings tonight.  It really has helped me!