I really planned on posting this last night, but it go late, and I was tired, so here I go this morning.
Yesterday was an unusual day. It was a snow day for us, and so I was at home all day. And my mom and I were talking in the morning before Martin got up. Actually, this may have been the night before--I'm not sure. Anyway, my mom said that Martin had commented to her how much my cooking had improved. I have always prided myself on being a good cook, so at first, I think this hit me across the face. I was somewhat taken aback. I had become a better cook?? Well, when you understand Martin, it makes sense. He never understood why I stuck to recipes so strictly. He has always given me a hard time when I stressed over not having the right ingredient. I have had to learn in the past couple years to substitute ingredients and make adjustments to recipes. I had completely gone out on a limb and made up something from the ingredients we have on hand. I have been more confident of my skills in this area. And I do my best not to make things I know he doesn't like. And I don't worry too much about counting calories in dinner recipes, but I do make healthier substitutions he doesn't know about.
Things were very tense yesterday evening as my Mom, Martin, and my dad were working outside. There was a big blow-up, and I headed outside in spite of my leg to try to be there for Martin. I told him that the cold was bothering my leg after he told my story, and I was preparing to go back in. He said it was a shame I couldn't stay because it would be nice for me to remain as he got over his being angry. I was able to stand in such a way that my leg was not bothered, so I told him I would stay a little longer. I know he appreciated it.
The last thing that happened really got me. I was putting Martha to bed, and Martin was handing out these fantastic cookies called Hob Nobs. I was putting Martha to bed, so I didn't know what he was giving out when he offered me one. He made a sarcastic response, and I'm not sure why, but when he asked me if I wanted one, I got a little snippy and said I didn't. I guess it was everything that had happened, and I wasn't in the mood for his sarcasm. But I really wanted one. I turned away from him, and he asked me again. I still said no. I refused to look at him. Now I was unnerved. He wasn't supposed to keep asking. My no should have told him I didn't want one. I wanted to remain mad at him for treating me like a child, but I also wished he would leave me alone. After all, wasn't that what an insensitive man was supposed to do? I struggled, and God told me I needed to let my anger go. There was really nothing to be mad about. But you know what? It felt good to be mad at him. But I knew that was wrong. So I began to let my anger go.
I turned to him, and I asked him about a scratch he had received earlier. After our little exchange, he said that I was welcome to one of the cookies, and he even showed me where the nutrition label was. I told him that I knew. And he placed the cookies nearby me. By this time, I was no longer angry, but I was reflecting on something regarding the situation. I wanted to know how on earth he was able to sense that I actually wanted the cookie and he wouldn't give up. Okay, I know it was a small thing, but it is often the small things that stand out. And when he didn't give up, why did it bother me? Because he was showing genuine love and concern for me. He knew I wanted something. He knew something was wrong, and he wasn't sure if it involved him or what. And it kind of scared me.
Silly, isn't it? I spend all my time praying for Martin's salvation and praying that he will show me love. And then when he does show me genuine love and concern, I feel uncomfortable and almost don't want it. I didn't like the fact that he knew me so well. He was able to read me--probably the first time he really has. And he refused to give up. Just so you know, yes, I had a cookie. He even offered to make me tea--which I accepted. Going over everything recently, he has shown some true love to me lately that has not been physical. The dog bite thing really scared him. And he has been very responsive to my needs as of late. He is even driving me over an hour to work today due to icy roads. Out school district cancelled, but where I am going was only delayed 2 hours. I feel bad, but he wants to do this, and he was planning on going that way anyway.
I guess I really do have a lot of things going on right now. I have a teacher's test to take tomorrow--2 of them. I don't know how I will score. They will probably be my hardest tests yet, but I am trying. And Martin may have to take me to the testing site tomorrow if the roads aren't any better.
Hope your Thursday was wonderful, and may Friday be even better!
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