Saturday, April 28, 2012

Maybe You Have Noticed . . .

Or maybe you haven't.  And, honestly, I am not bothered if you have not.  It has been a tough month.  One of the longest and shortest of my life.  I've written about many personal things in the past, and I just have not been able to lately.  I have gotten behind in many things in my life, but I have been able to keep up with my book reviews, products reviews, and more.  Blogging is a gift that God has given me, and I can hardly wait to see how God is going to continue to bless me in this area in the days, weeks, months, and years to come.  My blog is not where it should be yet, but it has come a long ways!

Many of you know that I have been caught in the middle of some domestic issues.  There are my parents and then my "best" friend (it seems strange to note that our friendship has changed), and then other "family."  I don't want to spend the time bashing anyone or going over the turmoil in my life.  The emotions were so bad this month that I had my worst period ever, I do believe.  I was in a lot of pain this week, and I am glad I am the tail end of this.

On May 2, my life will become my own again.  Well, that is not true.  My life belongs to God, but what I mean is that I will not be out and about like I have been this month.  It is honestly a miracle that I have been able to do anything this month on this blog.  I have been gone virtually every weekend, and many of my evenings have not been my own either.  On May 2, my friend of more than 10 years goes back to England.

It has been so strange of late.  I have realized that I am in a very strange dichotomy.  On the one hand, I could throw all my Christian morals to the wind and behave as I never have in my life.  On the other hand, I could call him up and say I never want to see him again.  It is only by God's grace that I have been able to be moderate in this area.  The spiritual battle has become intense in a way I have never known it.  And so often, I do feel as though I am alone.  Yes, God is here with me.  But there doesn't seem to be anyone else around.

I have been haunted by the dream that I had several years ago.  Satan was on his throne saying he was not going to let Martin go.  Martin is my friend from England who has impacted my life in ways I can't even imagine.  Both good and bad.  I find myself crying at the drop of a hat and blowing up at those closest to me (mainly my mom) for almost no reason.

Wednesday will be hard and yet easy.  I can't quite explain it.  I will miss Martin, but then I will have my evenings and weekends again.  I am praying with everything in me that God will get a hold of Martin.  He is meeting with our "fill-in" pastor at church tomorrow.  If there is someone who could reach him, it would be Nick.  If there ever was a prophet/evanagelist, it is Nick.  If anyone gets a chance to pray for Martin tomorrow, I would appreciate it.

So, my dear readers, just be patient, and you will see your dynamic blogger return.  Martin said my blogging would never amount to much of anything.  He only told me this month that I would never make the kind of money I think I am going to on here.  Let's see.  When I began blogging, I didn't think I would make any money.  This past week, I made $95.  Not too bad, as far as I am concerned!  I so want to prove him wrong!  Never tell me that I can't do it because I then plan to prove you wrong!!

Thank you for sticking with me during this time.  I have the best readers in the world.  I can hardly wait to get things back on track here.  Have a great evening/morning/day!

1 comment:

  1. Dear Ruth,

    I hope things are getting better for you. I know we are just getting to know each other, but feel free to message me anytime, if you need to talk to someone.

    You are a great blogger and a really nice lady! I think you will be fulfilled soon! Be it via money, or other perks :)


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