Saturday, March 17, 2012

My Emotional Rollercoaster

Well, it has been a week since once of the worst days of my life occurred, so I think it is now time for me to share.  I have shared a little here and there on facebook, but I will share a brief account of what happened.  I need to since I am really struggling.

I have written before about the situation between my best friend, Martin, and my dad.  In short, they hate each other.  My dad has continued to hold onto that hate while attending a church I left over a year ago, and he has maintained that he is a good Christian in spite of this intense hate.  The rest of us--my mom, my daughter, Martin, and me--have begun going to a wonderful church that has finally been ministering to Martin.  Indeed, God has been hard at work in Martin's life.

God has been working in my life, too.  He has worked with me through my physical cravings, my emotions, and more. I had finally come to the point of truly saying that whatever God had to do in order for Martin to be saved, I was willing for it to happen.  I was more than willing to lose Martin's friendship, and I was sure that was what God would do.  I was prepared for it, and I waited for what would happen.

I was not prepared for what did happen.  My dad brought three men from his church onto our property last weekend (we found out later this was illegal, and they could have been arrested) to remove Martin from the property.  Last Saturday was absolutely horrid as they accused my mom, Martin, and me of various things.  They implied that I was a loser and had no business living my parents at my age (even though I gave up a good-paying job and home to come help my mom out).  My dad played his part beautifully as these men helped him be the big man on our property.  Martin agreed to leave, and you might be able to imagine how hard things were.

My daughter and I stayed in town that night--we didn't want to leave Martin alone, and I was in no hurry to see my dad again.  God blessed in that area as well.  We found a hotel that accepted dogs, and there was not even any real temptation that night--I was grateful to God for that.  I made the decision that I would not be speaking to my dad any more except when it was absolutely necessary.  And I will not be participating in family events any more since I have so fractured the family.  In my mind, my family is now my church family, Martin, my mom, and my daughter.

Things are very terse here as you can still imagine.  I miss Martin a great deal, as you can imagine.  He won't be coming back to live here--which is probably a blessing in disguise.  He is being counseled by a very godly man in our church, and Martin needs that right now.  But it doesn't make the pain any easier.  My dad still does things to upset me, and Martin does, too.  It is still a power struggle, and I so often get caught in the middle.  I hate that feeling.

I have found myself thanking God that I didn't know what would happen 10 years ago as Martin and I were developing a friendship.  And it just has shown me that you need to be careful what you pray for.  When I prayed, I just thought that Martin would be in pain.  I had no idea what it would do to me nor to my family.  I have been reminded of Christ's example on this earth.  After all, his family rejected him, so why would I expect any less?  I guess it makes it hard when professing Christians reject you and say you are doing wrong.  I learned many years ago that judging others in the body of Christ is something that needs to be done very carefully.  I used to think that divorced people were completely out of the will of God.  I tended to think that God couldn't really use a divorced person.  Then I got divorced.  I realized just how judgmental that was, and from that time, I have done my best not to judge others.  There but for the grace of God go I.

I praise God for all of my blog readers, and if you have a moment, I would appreciate a prayer going up for Martin and my mom.  Martin's hate for my dad is putting a wedge between him and her.  Martin also needs the Lord more than anything else.  And there are some signs that God is working.  I have begun to realize that a whole other set of problems will come about when Martin does turn his life over to God.  I fully expect that things will happen quickly, and then my "family" will probably really turn against me.

One side note--my grandmother has been wonderful through this.  She thinks the world of Martin, and she has kept us in her prayers and thoughts.  She feels for me since I went through similar experiences with my ex.  God bless my grandmother!


  1. Just said a prayer for you and your friend and all of your family. Best wishes.

  2. Ruth,

    My heart goes out for you. I pray you'll find the strength to keep your head up, fight for what you believe in and love, and come out of this trial stronger, better, lighter.
    Don't give up!

    1. Having just read your wonderful book, this really does mean a lot. Your characters experienced great pain, too, and somehow everything worked out. I will hold onto my faith in spite of everything else!

    2. You're on the right road, Ruth... I once read somewhere that God never throws our way more than we can handle. If you go through so much pain, He knows you're capable of handling it. And remember; you're not alone.
      Love and prayers sent your way!

  3. I am sorry you are in so much pain. I know you have the faith and strength to get through this.

    1. Thanks, Nicole. That means the world to me.


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