Sunday, May 27, 2012

Things I Need to Stop Doing to Myself (Post Inspiration From Another Blog)

As I was stumbling around this afternoon (I needed a break!), I happened upon a post that I felt that I needed to write about.  I don't usually do this, but I was inspired by this post.  And it is clear from the amount of comments (353!) this post has received, I am not the only one who was inspired.

The name of the blog post is "30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself," and I plan to comment on the ones that pertain to me.

1.  Stop spending time with the wrong people.  I actually don't associate with many people, but there are those who do bring me down.  My former best friend (Martin) has brought me down quite a bit, to be perfectly honest.  I find that I don't associate with him nearly as much as I used to because as the blog says, life is too short to associate with people who zap the happiness from you!

2.  Stop running from your problems.  This is something I do not do. I'm not saying I am perfect, but I believe, as Maria says on The Sound of Music, "You can't use school {or anything}to run from your problems.  You have to face them!"  Problems don't tend to go away on their own.

3.  Stop lying to yourself.  What I have a tendency to do is run myself down when I get upset or things don't go right.  I tend to tell myself a bunch of lies about who and what I am.  And sadly, if I keep it up, I tend to believe it.  This is a good reminder because I still occasionally do this.  But I am better than I used to be.

4.  Stop putting your own needs on the back burner.  I believe this is very important.  As mothers, we tend to put our children's needs first.  I know I am always wanting to put my daughter before me.  While there are times it is appropriate to do this, if we don't give ourselves the permission to fulfill some our own needs, we may lose ourselves.  It took me a long time to discover who I was, and when I put away my own needs, I feel like I am giving up my own self.  This is a good reminder!

5.  Stop trying to be someone you're not.  Yep, I have tried to do this before, and it nearly destroyed me.  There is almost nothing worse for me than putting on a persona that is not me.  Acting is fine, but when you can't be who you really are with those you care about (and even those you don't), this will really make you feel like you are betraying yourself.  And it is hard to live with a traitor--especially when that person shares your body!

6.  Stop trying to hold onto the past.  This is what my dad is really good at!  He lives in the past and can't stand facing the reality of the present.  Maybe there were good things in the past, but don't let the past keep you from enjoying the present!

7.  Stop being scared to make a mistake.  Yep, this is one I have struggled with all my life.  I have come a long ways in this department.  I used to think that making a mistake was the end of the world.  I used to beat myself up over and over again.  While I still struggle with it, with God's help, I don't do this nearly as much as I used to.

8.  Stop berating yourself for old mistakes.  This was something God taught me during my divorce. I remember going down all the wrong roads.  I shouldn't have gotten married.  I shouldn't have let this happen. I shouldn't have met Martin.  And on, and on, and on.  God taught me that indeed all things do work together for good. Maybe I won't understand this while I am on this earth, but I can trust God.

9.  Stop trying to buy happiness.  I used to be an emotional spender.  When things didn't go right, I went online and made a purchase.  I am still paying off my debts in this area.  But it is true--happiness cannot be bought.  It can deter you for a time and postpone the sadness, but in the end, you won't be any happier.

10. Stop exclusively looking to other for happiness.  It is up to me to be happy.  No one has the responsibility to make me happy.  I am pretty good about this because I had to entertain myself as I grew up.

11.  Stop being idle. I have learned about risk.  I must take the risk.  Yes, I believe on waiting for God's will, but God can't do anything if I stay put and do nothing.

12. Stop thinking you're not ready.  I have been there indeed.  I find myself being placed in situations (even in blogging) where I do not feel comfortable.  And I decide to go ahead and give it a try.  The worst thing that could happen is that I make a mistake.  And I can then try again.  I am willing to get in and try anything.  But I wasn't always that way.

13. Stop getting involved in relationships for the wrong reasons.  Been there, done that, wore that t-shirt.  When I got a divorce and was subsequently rejected by my best friend (long story), I was on the rebound.  And I got involved with something I never should have.  I actually got engaged.  So I learned this one the hard way.

14. Stop rejecting relationships just because the old ones didn't work out.  I agree, but I am not ready for this one.  I am honestly done with men.  Maybe that will change in time, but right now I don't want to be involved.  I am not against having friends, but I need some time away from men!

15. Stop trying to compete against everyone.  I did this when I was growing up, and my daughter is following in my footsteps.  I do not have to be the best, and I can recognize others who are better than I!  I have learned that in exercise, beating my own records are the best things I can do.  I prefer competing with myself!

16. Stop being jealous of others.  I learned this lesson in college.  There was a girl who had won a competition in which I had done well but not won.  Wouldn't you know it that she ended up at the same college as me.  I was so jealous, and I prayed for her and for God to change me.  As time went on, she was the one who dropped out of college.  Before she did, she and I had a good talk where she said she wished she were more like me.  Imagine!  I always wondered what happened to her.

17. Stop complaining and feeling sorry for yourself.  My father is a master at this.  I do my best not to complain.  I am a positive person, and I believe that looking at the good is always better than focusing on the bad.

18. Stop holding grudges.  My dad and my friend in England are champions at this.  This has never been my problem--honestly.  Life is too short for grudges.

19. Stop letting others bring you down to their level.  Easier said than done.  Usually no problem, but once in a while...

20. Stop wasting time explaining yourself to others.  I do not owe anyone an explanation for why I do what I do. It is my business, not theirs.  As long as I am not harming myself or others, people need to accept me as I am.  If they can't, they are not worth my time.

21. Stop doing the same things over and over without taking a break.  That is why I am doing this.  I needed a break from blogging and entering giveaways.  Nice break.  I am good about taking breaks.

22. Stop overlooking the beauty of small moments.  My daughter reminds me to look for rainbows.  And living in the country does remind me of what is really important in life.

23.  Stop trying to make things perfect.  It will never happen anyway.  Why waste your time?  Take it from a recovering perfectionist!

24. Stop following the path of least resistance.  I agree.  I believe that taking the road less traveled is a wise decision.  Don't settle for mediocre.  Reach for the stars!

25. Stop acting like everything is fine if it isn't.  Okay, that does not mean you have to share your deepest, darkest secrets with every passing stranger.  But it is okay to be real with how you feel.  Don't stuff it.  Deal with the emotions.  And that is something I do well.  I don't hide my feelings well.  It is a positive and negative thing.

26. Stop blaming others for your problems.  This is the way our society is.  People do not like to take responsibility for their actions.  It bugs me to no end.  This has not ever been a struggle of mine.

27. Stop trying to be everything to everyone.  You can't do it anyway.  So stop trying.  You'll only kill yourself!  This is not a problem for me either.

28. Stop worrying so much.  Guilty as charged.  I am a natural-born worrier.  I am trying to do better in this area by trusting God.  He tells us to cast our cares on Him because He cares for us.  I have not arrived, but I do try.  I used to live from one worry to the next.  At least worries do not consume me as they once did.

29. Stop focusing on what you don't want to happen.  That is my daughter to a tee.  I thought I tended to run on ahead.  She is to the extreme.  I can't tell you how many times she asks me what if this happens or that.  And in so doing, she overlooks the good things happening today.  Live in the present.  It is a lesson I am still learning.

30. Stop being ungrateful.  Gratitude is a natural part of my life.  I am sure I have been ungrateful, but mostly I do well in this area.

According to the bottom of the post, they also have the counterpart to this post--30 Things to Start Doing For Yourself.  I will have to look at that some time.  If you would like to read the original post, check it out here.

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