Well, I believe I'll discuss this tonight in my blog seeing how I hinted at it earlier. Understand that I never condemn anyone because they are overweight. I've been there myself, and I understand the struggle. I also am not saying all this to show how wonderful I am--trust me, it is not easy. It get easier, but my weight will be a struggle the rest of my life just like my spiritual life.
My earliest recollection of being overweight was in junior high. My family are generally overweight, and I just never thought about it much as I was growing up. It was just part of life. But I have an aunt who is a complete health nut. She made a comment to me at my tender age that intimated I was overweight. And, well, she was right. But because of what she said, I did something about it.
My mom, my dad, and I all went on Weight Watcher's together. We didn't go to the meetings, but we followed the plan. My goal weight was 115. I don't remember what theirs was. I took all candy I received during those months and put them under my bed. They were going to be my reward when I was done. My dad and I reached our goals. I can't remember if my mom did. And trust me, when I saw my aunt again, I showed off my weight loss and made a comment. Her comment was, "Is that all you remember about me?" Yep, it was. I was a impressionable preteen after all.
My weight was up and down throughout junior high and high school. It helped my senior year when I was in show choir at school because we danced. I didn't really buy into working out much. But basically I ate right. I was really only about 10 pound overweight or so when I went to college. And I actually lost weight my first semester.
Enter the real problem for us women in the weight area--men! They are so aggravating!! I was dating my future husband, Paul, and I ended up eating 4-5 meals a day. He didn't live on campus, so he didn't eat at the cafeteria. But I did. Needless to say, I put on the weight I had lost. Then we got engaged. And I was up and down. Right before my wedding, I remember going crazy because I was 10 pounds up and didn't look good. I wanted to lose it before the wedding, but I just couldn't. And Paul didn't care, so why did I?
Of course, I continued to gain weight throughout my marriage. It came on little by little. I'd lose a little. I'd gain a little. As long as I didn't go beyond size 16, I was happy. I carried my weight well. And who had time to work out? And who really cared? I was in an unhappy marriage, and Paul had such a high metabolism, he could eat anything. I wasn't an emotional eater. I was an emotional shopper, but that's another story.
I got pregnant, and although I don't know how much I weighed when I got pregnant, my guess is between 170-180. At my heaviest during the pregnancy, I was 215 pounds. But I was assured I would lose that after I gave birth. And I was going to breastfeed, so things would be fine.
Nope, I only lost 10 pounds when I gave birth to Martha. I weight 205, and I knew the weight needed to come off. But I just didn't have time. Maybe I just needed to learn to live with who I was. I could not exercise--I had to be there for my daughter.
I don't know why or how I finally made the decision, but I decided to join ediets. Martha was just over a year old, and I had to get this weight off. I decided that if I was paying for a diet program, I would actually do it. Paul was struggling with depression at the time, and he was controlling every aspect of my life. Except this one. I was going to lose the weight in spite of him. I was going to show him how good I could look. I was going to control what I ate. He couldn't control me there!
I will never forget the cruelest thing he ever did. He went to Olive Garden and came home with like 4 desserts. One was the tiramisu. He knew that was my favorite. He knew I was trying to lose weight. He began to show me all the desserts. When he got to the tiramisu, he put it right up in my face. That was cruel. But the really cool thing was--I did not want it!!
I think I lost about 30 pounds on ediets. Then I switched over to Denise Austin online. Summer had come--the divorce was final. And it just didn't seem important to keep losing weight. And I was in another relationship--but that's another story. Who had time for all this?
I gained some weight back. I think I gained 10-15 pounds back. But God suddenly got a hold of me. He led me to the site I shared in my other post. www.sparkpeople.com
That site is free, and it changed my life. God showed me that if I wanted to be around to be the kind of mother I needed to be to my daughter, I needed to lose the weight. I set a goal of 135 pounds. I began to track everything I ate. I followed their plan, and then I added in my own ideas. I joined challenges. I began to exercise more seriously than I ever had before. I had too many workout videos to count. The only time I could exercise was from 9-9:45 P.M. after my daughter went to bed. Talk about a difficult time to workout. But it worked! I was finally losing weight and keeping it off. I finally saw this as a change of lifestyle--not a diet!!
So here I am. I weight 144.5 as of this morning. Nine and a half pounds left to go. I always recommend the website I used because it worked for me. No, you cannot get there without working hard. I once reached a plateau that lasted for 2-3 months. I had to keep telling myself that even if I lost no more weight, I was still healthier by doing what I was doing. I remember the day I lost my pregnancy weight. I remember when I began to look better than I did in high school. I now work out a gym--I am so glad I don't have to do it at home. It is a necessity for me to exercise. When I don't work out, my body goes rather crazy. I am addicted to exercise even on the days I don't want to do it.
When things have been bad in my weight loss area, I have prayed. I even had to fight through friends giving me a hard time because I was losing weight. My best friend, Martin, used to sabotage my weight loss. I really struggled during those times. He hated it when I spoke of why I couldn't eat something or how I needed to exercise. But trust me, he likes what he sees now!
Dear Heavenly Father, I want to thank You for the weight loss journey of my life. You have brought me through so much. You have shown me that being healthy is important and fulfills the directive in Scripture about taking care of the temple of the Holy Spirit--our bodies. You have given me a lot more energy as a result of everything. I praise You that this journey is not over. I know that there is still more to learn, and that I shall never arrive. I pray that I will never put my commitment to health before anything else. May I realize that my beauty comes from within, not from without, again as Your Scripture points out. "Charm is deceptive, beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." I pray that I will truly live out this verse in Proverbs 31 to the best of my ability with Your supernatural aid. I can't do this on my own, God.
Lord God, I realize that some people reading this are at a point where they are using food in ways it was never intended. There are those who don't want to do what they know needs to be done in the area of their weight. Lord God, I pray that in each circumstance, You will work it for Your glory. I pray that every Christian will have the proper view of their health, their bodies, and their spiritual lives.
In Your Name,
Amen
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