True Healing

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Psalm 139:13-14 (New International Version)

13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.

14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

I was reading today a wonderful devotion from Proverbs 31 ministries. They are a wonderful site I discovered a while back, and I get a daily devotion sent to my inbox by them. And today's somewhat centers around the passage listed above.

The title of the devotional is "Beauty Wounds." It spoke of true healing, and how long we sometimes hold on to our wounds. We tend to nurse them for years if we are not careful.

Well, since I have a few more followers today, I think I'll share a little of my story. I was deeply hurt by my now ex-husband. I met and married him while I was still in college. We only dated 6 weeks, but we were engaged 13 months. Unfortunately, most of that time, we were apart. We met at Bible college, had premarital counseling, and everything seemed to be going along with God's and family blessings.

I turned 20 shortly after our wedding, and he was ten years older than I. He was going to be a missionary to Yemen. And although I didn't feel the call, I believed I was called to him. I graduated. We paid off our college loans. We had no debt.

I don't remember when I first saw the signs that things were not good between us. I was busy with my life, and he was busy with his. I grew up and discovered who I was. He began to realize he could no longer control me. And conflict ensued.

I was wounded in many ways during the marriage. Thankfully I got out of the marriage before my daughter or I were physically hurt, but the emotional wounds were deep. I began to believe that I was not a good wife, teacher, mother, sexual partner, Christian--the list goes on. He even told me that I was the one with depression--not him--and that I needed a mental evaluation (even though he already had one and they said he was depressed, severely depressed).

Following the divorce, I had to work through so much. I can remember telling those closest to me that I was a terrible person, mother, Christian, singer, everything that meant so much to me. Those old tapes played over and over in my mind. I couldn't bear to think about my ex. I even struggled with the feelings of how I had messed up my life, missed God's best, and God couldn't use me for His service now.

I don't remember when I finally got to the place where I allowed true healing to take place in my spiritual life. I don't remember when I was finally able to tell myself that because God made me, I was a wonderful creation. I remember using that passage in Psalm 139, and I also remember going through Kay Arthur's Lord, Heal My Hurts. I had gone through it before as a teenager, but I didn't have all the hurts then.

Dear Lord, I want to pray right now for all of us to embrace the truths of this passage. We are fearfully and wonderfully made, and that means that You wanted us here at exactly this time and point in history for Your service. I pray that each of us, Oh Lord, will not believe the lies of Satan. May we not believe the harsh words that others have spoken in our lives. Whether it is a co-worker, a close friend, a sibling, or a parent. Lord, may we be willing to give it all over to You and embrace the truths of Your Word.

I pray right now for my family. You know the issues we face each day. My father, my mother, my nieces, my daughter, and so many more. Heal my mother as she recovers from the blow she received at church a few weeks ago. May Martha, my sweet daughter, release her insecurities and fear to You with her childlike trust. May my nieces find healing in their personal lives.

I don't know, Lord, who may be reading this as I write this. I realize that people may come to this blog "by mistake" who are hurting immeasurably. I pray that You will begin the healing process right now in their holy name. I thank You in advance for the miracles You are going to perform in their lives.

Well, dear readers, I could say much more. Do know that the prayer I prayed for You is genuine. I hadn't planned on doing it. I amazed myself, but God led me to do it. I find that He leads me a lot in this blogging thing. Thanks for reading!