Thoughtful Thursday--I'm Going Personal Again

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Well, I have thought for a while about how I should go about sharing this--I knew I needed to because some of you pray for me, and some of you are concerned about me.  So here goes.  I am going to share some general updates concerning family and how God has been working in my life.

Over the time of this blog, many of you have read about my divorce, my family issues, my father, and Martin (my friend from England).  I don't ever get too detailed, but I tell you enough so you know what is going on.  So let me summarize a couple things in a nutshell so that my new followers can get caught up.

I was married for nearly 10 years, and I left due to mental illness on my ex's part.  I am a single mom who lives with my parents.  My dad has some mental illness issues and Alzheimer's as well as other health issues.  So I left my home in Texas to come back to Washington state.  It was at Martin's suggestion, and I knew it was God's will.

Who is Martin?  In short, he is someone I met online almost 10 years ago through our mutual interest in Michael Crawford, the original Phantom of the Opera.  He has a long history with our family.  He has become a father figure to my daughter, and he is my best friend.

You've read about my feelings about Martin if you have followed me for any time.  I genuine care about him, and my major desire is for him to be saved.  He and my dad hate each other, and that is another story.  Martin can only be in this country for six months at a time, and while here, he cannot work.  Immigration regulations.

So why am I writing tonight?  Well, for the past year or maybe even longer, there have been some obstacles that have come up in Martin's and my friendship. We were not nearly as close as we once had been.  I had been watching for years what I said and did around him so I wouldn't "offend" him.  Kind of silly, isn't it?

This summer, things came to a head.  I will tell you seriously that I didn't care if I ever saw him again.  I was hurt and very mad.  When I went to pick him up at the airport, I honestly did not know how I would feel.  I had done a lot of praying, but I also had my mind up about things.  Or so I thought.

That night at the airport, I was rather cold to him.  I was confused, and I realized that in spite of everything, I could hardly believe that I still loved him.  In fact, as I had tried to prepare for the change in our friendship this summer, I just couldn't believe that he was as bad as I tried to tell myself.

As I write this, it is exactly one week since he has been here.  I was still rather upset on Friday and even onto Saturday morning.  I tried to act normally, but it just seemed that I could not.  And Martin was not quite himself either.  I wanted things to be the same, but I just didn't know what to do.

As I went through Friday and Saturday morning in my mind, I missed our old times.  We used to always have such fun.  And it seemed that Martha was the only one who was able to have fun with Martin.  There was this wall that was separating us.  I just responded by getting mad and basically writing Martin off.

Last Saturday, there was a tremendous family issue that came up.  I won't talk about that.  But somehow, God opened my ears and my heart in a new way.  I couldn't even tell you how.  For the first time in years, I really listened, and Martin listened to me.  The wall began to come down, and it came down very fast.  It was as though the past years fell away, and we were friends like we had always been.  But we even grew closer.

Now does this mean that everything is great?  No, there is a horrible issue still within our family.  But Martin and I are friends again.  It makes no sense, and I know it is somewhat a cause of irritation for some.  But I am praising God for a relationship restoration.

I want to say thanks to my readers who pray for my family and me.  Don't stop.  There are still issues, and Martin is still not a Christian.  But he did go to church, and he enjoyed it!  While  I sometimes feel caught in between, God is teaching me to control my tongue and my body.  And with His help, I will.

I will say one thing.  I can say that no matter what happens in the future, I am not interested in finding a husband or some other guy in my life.  I can honestly say that there is a man in my life who loves me for who I am.  I am not speaking of romance or marriage.  I am speaking of true love.  In fact, God pointed out to me that there is a difference in being in love and loving someone.  I am perfectly content to love Martin and be loved by him without any kind of romantic entanglements or any other attachments like that.