Monday, December 19, 2011

Men--Am I Alone in Not Understanding Them?

Well, it is indeed time for another personal post.  I just knew I had to write this tonight.  As you know (if you follow my blog regularly), my best friend is Martin from England.  We have known each other for nearly ten years now, and we have been with each other through thick and thin.  I am not nearly as upset as I was earlier, but I wanted to get some feedback from the ladies that follow this blog.  (Okay, if there are any men, you can jump in, too!)

The past couple days, Martin has acted like a typical guy.  So, I realize that is not surprising, but I sometimes struggle.  And I happen to be struggling a little bit now.

Last night, things got a little bit physical between us, and although nothing much happened, I always find it amazing how quickly men can move from being physical to being "normal."  Things were unfinished between us, and of course, all I could think about today was him.  Yep, it's true.  And then I look at him.  He's just business as usual, and there is nothing new in the world.  No talk of finishing what we started or even discussing anything between us.  I suppose that some of it comes from the fact that we are not really dating or anything.  In fact, he doesn't even want to face the fact that there is anything between us that is more than friendship.  It is tough to be in this position. But I know from what I have studied about men that they tend to be like this when it comes to the physical realm.  They can turn it on and turn it off with no problem.  I guess I really am a woman, aren't I?

And one more rant, and this is probably what upset me tonight.  I am one who likes to have things somewhat planned out.  I have gotten better at becoming spontaneous, but I do like to know things in advance.  Martin, on the other hand, only tells me what he thinks I need to know when he thinks I need to know it.  He feels he has the right to change things whenever he wants.  Let me qualify this.  It is Christmas break, and my daughter's friend is coming over tomorrow.  My daughter has swimming tomorrow night as well.  Martin asked me last night if I had any real plans for Tuesday.  I told him I didn't.  I guess that was a mistake.  He planned a whole lot of stuff.  He got it all set up to go bowling with two of Martha's friends tomorrow at a certain time.  I have things to do to get ready for Christmas (Martin doesn't like Christmas.).  And then he asked me if I had any problem with taking the girls to bowling tomorrow.  I told him I didn't know if we would have time.  And now I find the real story.

Why do men have to do this??  I would have liked to have been asked about this.  All I can think about is the time and money I will be spending on this.  All he can think about is getting away from my dad and giving the kids a nice time.  He loves to keep me "in the dark" about his plans.  Is this a normal guy thing, or is it just Martin?  He loves to "surprise" me, but I don't always like the surprises.

I am trying to see this as a good thing, and I will in time.  I have to remember that the motive is right.  I would love to "teach" him how to do this better, but I know that doing that will only make things worse.  And if I complain or show that I am upset, he will withdraw.  And he will feel that I am not showing him the love he wants but doesn't want to ask for.

So, how do you deal with situations like this?  I would love any advice.  At least I am not as upset as I was.  I am going to pretend I don't know as much about the day tomorrow since he has not shared it with me.  My mom did.  I'm going to play"dumb" because that usually works.  Anyway, that is my little rant for the evening!


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